My folks have an everyday expression that goes ‘assumptions make an ass out of you and me‘. I’d get to hear it when I made a spur of the moment decision. Malcolm Gladwell compounded powerful stories in Talking To Strangers to outline the communication dynamic behind assumptions, our preconceived notions, and he explains why we sometimes misunderstand one another.

Talking To Strangers begins and ends with the events surrounding the case of Sandra Bland. She was pulled over for a minor traffic violation. Both, State Trooper Brian Encinia and Sandra Bland misunderstood, misread, and misinterpreted each other, which led to Bland’s arrest and subsequent passing while in jail. Her story illustrates the complexity of human interaction and our personal responsibilities and burdens that often elude even our closest confidants. At the core of this book, Gladwell states our default understanding about a strangers intentions, emotions, and honesty is fundamentally flawed. This isn’t so much an individual shortcoming, but a systemic issue that traces back to psychological bias and perverted societal incentives.
Another example is about Ana Montes, a former senior analyst at the Defense Intelligence Agency, who was convicted for espionage after deceiving her superiors for 17 years. Montes leaned into confirmation bias of her superiors, who did not want to view her as a potential traitor. Her behavior was understood as normal for a person in her position, which led to overlooking bright, red flags visible to outsiders and those critical of her actions.
Bland and the State Trooper Encinia were strangers. Montes and her superiors were close confidants. Both examples illustrate our default to truth mindset often leads to catastrophic misunderstandings. Bernie Madoff, Elizabeth Holmes or Sam Bankman-Fried are only a few names on a long list of people who used our default trust to one up society.
So, what does it mean for our communication and engagement with people? Gladwell remains undecided about a clear position whether to trust or not trust by default. Instead he advocates for a calibrated approach towards trust. Believing someone is a necessity of society, but being aware of blind spots in our biases and systems around communication is crucial too. Especially high pressure or unusual decisions should receive more critical review, empathy and patience. For example, when a gas station clerk informs you about a traffic accident with the intent to save you time, the harm of following his advice is insignificant compared to your children making a case for their share of inheritance. The latter clearly requires more thought, awareness of biases, and potentially detaching yourself from emotions before reaching a decision.
Malcolm Gladwell has a wonderful writing style. He writes in simple terms, illustrates complex theories with visual storylines, and wraps it with a current event ribbon and the scent of society’s latest pulse. This simplicity sometimes results in moral and conceptual ambiguity leaving the reader unclear about the specifics of a concept or theory but also Gladwell’s personal position on an issue.
Nevertheless, I tend to enjoy his works. I enjoy learning about different psychological and human concepts without expanding an inordinate amount of brain energy. Plus, his critical review of current and historic events invites any interested reader to explore beyond the confines of Talking To Strangers.


